peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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