I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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