We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
