I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
