I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
