some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
handjob tips. give me some.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
