mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
