Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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