Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
