so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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