Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
