just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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