so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
