So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
