..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
