if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize