3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
