White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
