Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
