We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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