He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
