I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
