so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
