Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Randomize
