Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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