well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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