I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
