u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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