If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
