Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
too bad you live with your parents still
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
