i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
