Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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