The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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