A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
