I think my fart just growled at me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
