Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
