Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
