plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
