I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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