All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize