Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
