The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I intend to get homeless drunk
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
