i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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