HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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