Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
