he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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