Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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