Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I need a beard to bite.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
