She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
