Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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