Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
