he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
