Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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