whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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