This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize