Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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