He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
