NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize