do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
