Nicole vs. Life
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we're making bets on your personal life
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
