he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
