I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
