You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
