Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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