From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
