How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
