You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
