plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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