I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
