You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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