she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
