i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
