I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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