Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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