we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I understand Curling. That high.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
