Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My vagina just recognized that song.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
