do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
